


Break Me Down, Build Me Up

by orphan_account



Series: Asexual Wolves [6]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Anxiety Disorder, Asexual Relationship, Depression, Flashbacks, M/M, Nesting, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery, Self Care, Self-Harm, gray-asexual stiles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-03
Updated: 2014-07-03
Packaged: 2018-02-07 02:59:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1882575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles and Derek participate in some mutual soul healing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Break Me Down, Build Me Up

Derek isn't sure how in the hell Stiles found his new apartment, but the kid is right there, standing expectantly on Derek's porch, and he looks like shit. 

Derek doesn't know how to respond. He's been doing better, not hugely better, but even just slightly better is an improvement. So, apparently, while Derek has been getting marginally better, Stiles has been getting exponentially worse.

The kid reeks of nervousness and anxiety, and an undertone of blood that has Derek narrowing his eyes. If his suspicions are right, he can't talk. His shower has a few bloodstains he hasn't quite gotten around to cleaning up yet, but Stiles doesn't heal like he does. He doesn't say anything, and Stiles smells relieved as Derek shifts to the side to let the teenager into the apartment.

It's clean, but not minimalist like the loft was. Derek decided to actually settle down somewhere, especially after Cora left. He knows that she left because she missed the pack she picked up in Mexico, but he can't shake the feeling that maybe she was disappointed by what she found. She promised to visit for Christmas, he won't admit it, but he's secretly hoping that maybe she'll be pleased enough with his efforts to stay with him instead of going back.

Stiles doesn't say a word, which is disconcerting in and of itself. In all of the times that he's been around Stiles, the teenager has never been quiet for this long. Derek doesn't really know what to do with him. Now that he's inside, and there's no outside breeze, the smell of the human is almost overpowering.

"When was the last time you showered?" Derek asks, setting down his mug of hot chocolate to try and get a better look at him.

Stiles shrugs, and pointedly avoids eye contact, so Derek stops trying to make it. Instead, he puts a cautious hand on his shoulder and pushes him towards the bathroom.  
"Take a shower." he orders, and Stiles doesn't protest at all. He strips without hesitation, tossing ratty looking clothes on the bathroom floor without pause. Derek shuts the door after it becomes evident that Stiles doesn't care if it's open or not. 

It's an entire hour later that Stiles emerges. Derek is pacing anxiously downstairs, two mugs of hot chocolate (not so hot anymore) sitting expectantly at his coffee table, wondering if maybe he should go check on him. But Stiles comes out, wearing Derek's clothes that are enormously too big on him, with skin that's pink from hot water. Derek is pretty sure that he lets out an audible sigh of relief, even if Stiles still hasn't made a sound. 

Derek doesn't say anything either, he isn't really sure what to say in this situation at all. Social interaction has never ever been his strong point, not even before the fire, and everything that happened afterwards made him even worse at it. Stiles doesn't seem to mind his silence at all, he just takes the mug that Derek hands him, and follows Derek into the living room. 

Derek's couch is soft, and was the most comfortable in the store. He knows this because he tried every single one of them out before he bought one. Confused and slightly worried sales associates followed him around as he embarked on this adventure, hesitantly suggesting sofas to get him out of the store quicker, but Derek didn't leave until he tried all of them. This was the couch that won, this was the couch he bought. 

Stiles settles himself smack dab in the middle of it, and Derek feels like maybe whatever is wrong with Stiles hasn't completely marred his personality. Derek maybe grins a little, but he hides it easily behind his hot chocolate and sits down at his favorite end of the couch. He never sits in the middle of the couch anyway, it feels empty, which just puts emphasis on how empty his apartment really is. 

He's been back from dropping Cora off for roughly a month and a half. No one has dropped by, and he couldn't bring himself to mention to anyone that he was back in town. Technically, he's supposed to ask permission from the local alpha before even entering the territory, but he managed to keep himself from doing so by using loopholes like the fact that he was just an omega and that technically Beacon Hills was Hale territory. He really just didn't want to burden them with his presence, he hadn't done a single thing right since showing up in Beacon Hills trying to find Laura, they were all better off thinking that he was still dicking around somewhere else. 

But of course, if anyone was going to find him it would be Stiles. Derek won't lie to himself and say that he isn't slightly pleased to have someone to show his hard work off to, but he does wish that maybe there were better circumstances. 

They don't say a word to each other. Stiles sticks around long enough to watch six episodes of Scrubs before he leaves with a halfhearted wave, leaving the empty mug on the coffee table. 

-

Stiles shows up exactly one week later, smelling worse off than he did last time. So Derek ushers him into a shower and heads back downstairs to make hot chocolate and to get the mug brownies out of the microwave. (He had been planning on eating both of them, but he doesn't mind sacrificing one to give to Stiles). Stiles emerges from Derek's bathroom and is greeted with two mugs and a fluffy blanket that Derek bought the day previously. 

They watch Brave and Tangled before Stiles decides to leave, and Derek is both worried and relieved that Stiles didn't comment on Derek's choice of movies. 

-

The next week Derek is not exactly in a good place. 

He hasn't done any of his laundry at all, and his hamper is overflowing with dirty clothes. After Derek noticed this, instead of doing the laundry, he just stopped changing clothes. He tried to think about what Cora (or Stiles) would say if they found him like this, but even that wasn't enough to get him to do anything about it at all. About his laundry, or the dirty dishes piling up in his sink and on his coffee table. 

He has his claws an inch deep in his forearm when Stiles knocks on the door. 

Derek flounders a little, because he doesn't want Stiles to think that he's ignoring him. So he tears out of the shower, leaving blood splattering on the tiles as he hurriedly pulls up his sweatpants. He's already opened the door before he realizes that he's still holding back his healing. 

They stare at each other for a while, and then Stiles' hand comes up to carefully run over the gashes in Derek's arm. He stares almost thoughtfully at the blood on his fingertips that stays even after the cuts are gone before he pulls up the edge of his own shirt and presents numerous precise cuts littering his ribcage. Derek touches them just as gently, and wishes that Stiles healed like he did. 

Stiles doesn't take as long in the shower this time, and he does Derek's laundry while Derek does the dishes and makes them the last packets of hot chocolate. This time, instead of sitting in the middle of the couch, Stiles presses up next to Derek's side and they watch How to Train Your Dragon in silence. 

Derek expects Stiles to leave, but he doesn't. They go through several movies, and it's finally Derek who breaks their steady silence when it's ten o'clock to ask if Stiles is leaving at all.

He looks vulnerable all of a sudden, pulls away from Derek slightly, and Derek doesn't want that at all. Stiles still doesn't speak, but he shakes his head hesitantly, so Derek just nods and then presses himself back against Stiles' side as he pulls up another movie on Netflix. 

-

He wakes up the next morning with a god awful crick in his neck and his head against Stiles' chest. The teen has his hand buried in Derek's hair, scratching at his scalp gently, causing sharp little thrills to crawl down Derek's spine. Derek wonders if Stiles slept at all, but can't bring himself to move or to ask. Derek doesn't know how long they stay there, but the sun is shining blindingly through the windows when Derek finally finds it in himself to pull away. 

It isn't like Derek has been doing a lot of shopping as of late, but he has enough to make them both breakfast. He tells Stiles that he has to go shopping, but Stiles doesn't seem any more willing to leave, so they go together. Stiles sticks close the entire time, occasionally stopping to grab something that he wants that Derek doesn't usually buy. 

Derek doesn’t mind, doesn’t say anything, which has become normal for them. The lady at the checkout gives them a funny look, mostly focused on the way that Stiles’ hand is curled tightly around the corner of Derek’s tshirt. Derek just raises an eyebrow at her and she hurriedly looks away.

People here treat him like that a lot. He knows that most of them still think that he killed Laura, even though he was exonerated, they don’t like to focus on that part. He hates it, hates that people think that he could actually kill his Alpha, his _sister,_  but he doesn’t say anything. He’s pretty good at acting like it doesn’t bother him, even when they mess up things that he orders on purpose. But Stiles is there, and for once Derek leaves with everything he bought. It’s nice.

They go back to the apartment and Stiles picks the movie this time, while Derek tidies up absently and makes hot chocolate for them again. When he gets back to the living room, Stiles has made some sort of elaborate nest on the couch out of all of Derek’s blankets. He shuffles over to let Derek sit down, and neither of them move for the rest of the day.

-

It’s six in the evening when Stiles finally gets up, and Derek is worried that he’s going home. But he doesn’t, he just heads to the kitchen and makes them dinner. It’s nothing elaborate or fancy, but Derek thinks that it’s the best thing he’s eaten in a while.

He says as much and gets a smile out of Stiles.

Stiles doesn't leave today either. They both take showers, and decide to sleep in Derek’s actual bed instead of the couch. Derek has a guest room (Cora’s room), but he doesn't want to sleep alone any more than Stiles appears to want to.

They've been lying there for almost an hour when Stiles reaches his hand under Derek’s shirt and his nails scrape against Derek’s stomach.

Derek’s entire body tenses, all of a sudden he’s confused, he can see Kate staring at him, Jennifer staring at him. He throws himself away from them, clawed hand flying out and wrapping around a throat. The tips are digging in just slightly when he comes back to himself all at once and sees Stiles’ panicked face staring down at him while he struggles for breath around Derek’s grip.

Now Derek is throwing himself away for a completely different reason, he falls off the bed and hits the floor with a dull thud. He still isn’t far enough, and he backs all the way up against the wall, claws digging into his own arms, blood pooling up beneath them.

Stiles hasn’t smelled of blood at all since he showed up the day previous, not even of hurt, but now Stiles’ blood feels like it’s the only scent in the room. It fills up Derek’s nose and he chokes on it, distantly aware that he’s sobbing out apologies. Half of them are to Stiles, the other half are to everyone else he’s hurt and killed.

Stiles is at his side in an instant, forcibly stopping Derek’s attempts to get away as he runs his hands gently over Derek’s arm, carefully prying claws out of Derek’s flesh. He holds the older man carefully while he sobs almost hysterically, and doesn't say a word.

 ****Derek is mostly calmed down and is on the verge of falling asleep from exhaustion when Stiles starts talking. He's barely spoken a word to Derek in the weeks that he's been coming, and now it seems that all of the words are spilling out at once.

He talks about how he's thought Derek was attractive since that first day when Derek told him and Scott that they were on private property. How he's pretty sure that he's been in love with Derek for "God knows how long" but he figured it out that day at the hospital. He talks about how shitty he's been feeling, constantly nervous and on edge, how he didn't feel safe anywhere, how he cut to keep calm. How he found out that Derek was back in town by coincidence and found his new apartment on a whim, how Derek's apartment was the only place he felt safe at in weeks. How he hasn't cut since he started hanging around Derek. How it's cool if Derek can't do sex, because Stiles doesn't need sex anyway and only really wants it because it's Derek.

Derek finally falls asleep sometime after Stiles starts ranting affectionately about his teeth and the way he "nests".

-

Stiles keeps coming after that. He drops by almost everyday, they talk more than they used to, but not a lot. It's clear to see, now, that most of what Stiles says is filler to keep people distracted, Derek loves that Stiles doesn't feel the need to keep up the guise around him. 

Things don't get fixed, but they do get better.

Derek sometimes has to check to make sure a room is completely empty before Stiles will walk in, and Stiles sometimes has to act like a physical barrier between Derek and a woman on the street. Stiles sometimes has to sit in on Derek taking a shower, just to make sure he doesn't hurt himself, and Derek gets rid of all of the razors in his and Stiles' house when Stiles gets worried that he'll relapse. Derek makes hot chocolate and brownies and cookies, and Stiles brings over over-sized sweaters and an array of blankets for Derek to have. 

They take care of each other. 

Cora comes to visit, but she doesn't move back. Derek is admittedly disappointed, but he clings to the way Cora seemed visibly happy with the way Derek was living his life now, and the way that Stiles stayed over for almost an entire week straight after she left. 

They're an official couple now. The Sheriff knows and mostly just seemed relieved that Stiles wasn't camping out in his closet every other night anymore. He warned Derek away from pushing Stiles into anything he wasn't ready for, but after the resulting almost-panic attack, he backed off and never mentioned it around Derek again. Cora gave Stiles a similar talk, but warmed up to their relationship easily after seeing him and Derek interact. 

When Stiles had to go off to college, he bought Derek a cat and more hot chocolate than the man knew what to do with. Derek named the cat Sourwolf and drove up to visit Stiles every weekend despite the young adult's insistence that he didn't have to. Stiles came back to Beacon Hills a week early and proposed to Derek with an excited expectant smile on his face. Derek cried, and Stiles cried, the Sheriff cried, everyone cried except for Sourwolf, who just purred like an idiot and wrapped himself around Stiles' legs as the man clung happily to Derek after he said yes. 

Stiles planned a spring wedding just because Derek has always said he never wanted one (Saying that Stiles planned it is too generous, Lydia took over the planning as soon as she found out that Derek said yes). It was a huge event in Beacon Hills, some people still grumbled unhappily about the Sheriff's kid marrying "that Hale boy", but when the Sheriff found out, it took him all of ten minutes to speak personally to all of them and have them all leaving with their tails between their legs. The rest of the ceremony went swimmingly and everything turned out amazing. 

Stiles moves in with Derek a week later, only taking so long because they stayed holed up in Derek's house doing nothing but cuddling and watching movies for that time. It wasn't much of a move, in the years that they had been together, a majority of Stiles' things had migrated their way into Derek's apartment, leaving mostly just books and knickknacks to be moved. Derek just put in another bookshelf in the guest(Cora's)room because he refused to take the room apart. 

It worked for them. Derek got a job at a library, that somewhere along the way migrated to opening a bookstore with Stiles. Even with each other, they still had bad days, when Derek couldn't go to work or even get out of bed, when Stiles would flinch every time Derek moved too fast. Both of them occasionally woke up screaming with nightmares, and sometimes they would both forget to eat until the Sheriff dropped by to make sure they were okay. 

But it worked. They took care of each other, and when they couldn't, they had people all around them who don't hesitate to step in and help. They make it work and they make each other happy. They love each other. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Who even knows when this is set, probably after season 3A, completely ignoring 3B and everything after that, and also the "Darkness around the heart" thing because I don't want that related with what's happening to them in this fic. I shamelessly had them watch all of my favorite "shit day" movies.  
> 


End file.
